As a kid I was never able to keep a journal for more than a week, two if I was lucky. I really wish I did though. i think memories might be more interesting for me now. One thing I did do though as keep what I called a quote book. In this I wrote quotes that helped me figure myself out. I also made lists of things I enjoyed or goals for my life. I still look back at them sometimes to bring life back into focus. You know people, well adults think that children are too naive and do not understand how the real world works. I think this wrong though. Children have an amazing outlook on life and the world. they do not judge first, they focus on the bliss and have hearts to change the world. When I was a child I had a less than pleasant life. However, I always thought someone had it worse. One goal I had in life was to be able to adopt kids like me and give them a better chance at life. I have always thought and been shown ‘if you want something done, you must do it yourself’ because people are not always reliable. I have decided to expand this goal though. I want to start a home. A real home for kids. I know there are tons of places out there for kids but I want mine to be different. I want this place to be a real home for these kids. Ones that would be put into the system, bounced around foster homes and never really loved. I love children and I ant to protect and help them. I believe this home will be the perfect way. I will help the world one child at a time.
True Camera
Sandy beaches, salty oceans, and breezy, sunny days was my everyday life in California.
Swimming the vast ocean’s helped me to get lost in the shuffle of my daily life.
Then I moved to Ohio and all that changed.
No more crowded beaches, seagulls, or escape.
I had to find something productive to do to fill the void of being land locked.
I invested my spare time into my camera.
Seeing the beauty of crystallized snow on a bare tree or being able to tell a story about someone I have never met became thrilling.
Being on the reverse side of a camera lens allows me to see life through a different perspective.
Rather than focusing in on how much I miss California; I am able to open my eyes to new possibilities.
Cameras capture moments in our lives and the photographs help us to remember those feelings we have experienced.
Not every picture is happy or beautiful some I find to be painful memories called life lessons.
Life lessons are not always things that are taught or things that are learned.
My life lessons have come from experiences.
I have experienced happiness, sadness, loss, love, and being alone.
It’s hard to imagine that I “grew up”; most of my childhood is a blur, memories run together and most of the time I can’t decipher actual memory of the past and what I wish they were or were not.
Memories to me are pictures.
They flash in my head for moments and sometimes longer.
I don’t always know what I am seeing but I always feel a part of me being there or seeing the picture as a “movie” so to speak.
But having pictures to remind me of California and my most favorite escape help to keep my memories enacted and I learn from the story they tell.
My story began in California and has continued in Ohio but it’s not the place that defines me it is the perception I have through my life’s true camera.
Since January
Well, it has been too long. I have had so much going on in life I just have been neglecting my writing. And I think it’s actually having a negative affect on my life, because I am not getting out the negativity in a positive way…..So Update:
I took a sales and marketing job at the beginning of the year and had great hopes and plans for it. I learned a whole lot of sales do’s and dont’s. How to network with business owners and people from many walks of life. Unfortunately, this particular opportunity wasn’t for me. While I do not work there any longer I di get to take the knowledge with me so that is a bonus.
I now am working in a wonderful environment at the YMCA. I have tried to take on as much as possible with the children. I coach soccer, work in child watch and child care, lifeguard, and teach swim lessons; as of right now and I absolutely love it.
I am taking the summer off from school in order to focus on work and helping with Jeremy’s basketball. I am not all work and no play though, the reason I am so focused on work this summer is for what’s going to be happening at the end of it. Jeremy and I have decided to add someone well something to our family; we are going to be picking out a Blue Great Dane and let me tell you, they are costly. I am so excited to get him too, I think it will be a great practice run for us.
Well I know its not much but that’s about all that’s going on other than our First Anniversary coming up….I will have a different page for that because I don’t want to give away any surprises.
In the mean time here are some pictures that just go with me life and future plans.
How could you not want one….
My Number one favorite player in the NBA Win or Lose, Lakers fan for life
Me and my Boo, Jeremy
The Road We Walk
Life lessons are not always things that are taught or things that are learned. My life lessons have come from experiences. I have experienced happiness, sadness, loss, love, and being alone. It’s hard to imagine that I “grew up”; most of my childhood is a blur, memories run together and most of the time I can’t decipher actual memory of the past and what I wish there were or weren’t. Memories to me are pictures. They flash in my head for moments and sometimes longer. I don’t always know what I am seeing but I always feel a part of me being there or seeing the picture as a “movie” so to speak.
Through my life lessons/ life experiences I have learned that memories are just that though, memories. They are so far in the past, so distorted that the only useful purpose in my life are the gut feelings that come up when I feel “deja vu” coming on. Day in and day out my memories come into play and warn me of things to come and things to watch out for.
The unfortunate drawback to this is when my memory is distorted my judgment follows. Life has taught me the bad that all people have in them. That no matter how much they know how they are supposed to be and act, they will always revert to their own interests. We all at some point treat others poorly what we fail to recognize is the lasting effects own actions have on others. This world is a cause and effect world and we need to learn to judge these effects.
We need to work hard to love people, to make good memories ones we want to hold on and do not let become blurry or distorted.
*NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS*
- BE A BETTER ME!
- Get in shape- with my workout buddy Em
- Save 15% of my income
- Learn how to manage my stress
- Take Yoga again
- Enjoy life more
Learn how to crochet/knit- Learn how to sew
- Get a bike, and ride it
- Reach out to new people
- Tackle one of my fears :*******
- Take dance lessons
- Make a patchwork quilt
- Spend more time learning about myself
- Throw a penny in a fountain
- Go skydiving
- Apply for my dream job
- Listen to my heart
- Inspire someone
- Write a love letter
- Take more pictures
- Drink more water
- Take a day to watch the clouds
- Let go of the past
- Become an expert on something
- Eliminate one of my bad habits:******
- Learn to meditate
- Re-read a book from high school
- Follow my own advice
- Do another body cleanse
- Plant a tree
- Wake up earlier
Reconnect with an old friend- Get a new piercing
- Visit a museum
- Run a marathon
- Forgive
Please Call Back
Nicki Minaj has become one of my favorite rap artists of all time. She has a story that is relatable by many young girls today and I am one of those girls. All of her song seem to have a deeper meaning and I have found not only that I enjoy listening but I also learn from her style and honesty. One song in particular “Dear Old Nicki”, has been sticking out to me lately and it is not one that is on the radio regularly, if at all. It is Nicki speaking to herself. (surprise, surprise) Nicki is basically giving herself a lecture on losing herself and how she is realizing it and is fixing it. She makes me think about where I have come from, what I have been through, and how it makes me, me. Unfortunately, I find myself doing the same run around she is rapping about and I get lost in all the fast paced lifestyle of an American woman. This song really brings me back to reality and helps me to slow down and grab a hold of the inner-Chelse and shake sense back into her. This is not to say that my personality isn’t transforming, but I still am who I am inside and I can’t lose that or I lose everything.
[Verse 1]
Maybe you died ’cause everybody ask me where you at
I try to channel you in hopes that I could steer you back
But it’s like every intersection we just missed each other
You got your fans waiting tell me you ain’t 6 feet under
And tell me that you’re coming back that you just took a break
Maybe I blamed you for everything that was my mistake
In hindsight I loved your rawness and I loved your edge
‘Cause it was you who talked me down from jumping off the ledge
Your earrings bamboo, your long nails too
Your BMW every time you came through
You was the braveheart
You stole wayne heart
You never switched it up
You played the same part
But I needed to grow
And I needed to know
That there were something inside of me that I need to show
So I just deaded you Left you in all black
But dear old Nicki Please call back
[Chorus]
You told me you’d come when I needed you
And you said it so sweetly I believed you
But I’m standing here calling I can’t see you
But I am holding you, holding you, holding you to that
[Verse 2]
Yo, did I chase the glitz and glamour Money, fame and power
‘Cause if so that will forever go down my lamest hour
I should’ve kept you with me getting at them nameless cowards
There was no match for you, couldn’t defeat your powers
I had to make them changes, I hope you understood
You see for every bad, I did a ton of good
But you was underground, and I was mainstream
I live the life now, that we would daydream
My only wish is you come enjoy it with me
Get on them conference calls, go meet the lawyers with me
The money came, yeah, tripled and quadrupled it
But I still miss us when we was just on some stupid shit
And it’s still fuck the media
They ridiculed you, never believed in you
They just deaded you Left you in all black
But dear old Nicki Please call back
[Chorus]
You told me you’d come when I needed you
And you said it so sweetly I believed you
But I’m standing here calling I can’t see you
But I am holding you, holding you, holding you to that
And yes I’m holding you, holding you, holding you
Oh, yes I’m holding you, holding you, holding you
And yes I’m holding you, holding you, holding you
To that
And yes I’m holding you, holding you, holding you
Oh, yes I’m holding you, holding you, holding you
And yes I’m holding you, holding you, holding you
To that
Countries I want to see…
- Australia
- The Bahamas
- Brazil
- Cayman Islands
- Chile
- China
- Costa Rica
- Egypt
- Fiji
- France
- Germany
- Greece
- Greenland
- Haiti
- Iceland
- India
- Ireland
- Israel
- Italy
- Jamaica
- Japan
- Kenya
- Mexico
- Morocco
- Netherlands
- New Zealand
- Nigeria
- Norway
- Panama
- Peru
- Philippines
- Portugal
- Puerto Rico
- Romania
- Russia
- Spain
- Sweden
- Switzerland
- Thailand
- Turkey
- Uganda
- Ukraine
- United Kingdom
- Virgin Islands
- Zimbabwe
